Alice And FP Hooked Up On “Riverdale” But Everyone Is Pissed Off For This One Reason

29 March 2018, 16:33

By Katie Louise Smith

FALICE HAS RISEN!

Riverdale was back back back again for one more episode before another two week hiatus and as always, it was jam packed with intense moments, iconic Kevin Keller one liners and Archie Andrews' signature bullsh*t.

In this week's episode, called "The Noose Tightens," two fan favourites and looooong awaited ships finally left the harbour and set sail into open waters. But only one got the reunion scene they truly deserved.

If you don't want spoilers for 2x17, please do not scroll past this gif of your boyfriend Reggie Mantle arm-wrestling with Archie Andrews. You've been warned!

Right then. It was a pretty eventful week this week, tbf. The student election got spicy as the three main parties took to the stage for a juicy debate. Reggie won with the read of the century, obviously. The Cheryl Blossom Rescue Squad bailed her out of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy through a secret underground booze-running tunnel. Choni rose to stratospheric heights. Hiram bought Archie a car. Chic's problematic ass ended up getting the Coopers into a LOT of trouble. And after being saved by the Serpents, Alice Cooper decided it was time to stop being a dick about her past and make peace.

WHICH BRINGS US TO ONE OF THE MOST ANTICIPATED MOMENTS IN RIVERDALE SHIPPING HISTORY...

Yes fam, it is our honour to inform you that FP Jones and Alice Cooper are most definitely doing it. Who is Hal? Don't know her! Never have! Cancelled! Never even started! Tea!

After escaping the scammers from Centerville and kicking Chic out of the family home, Alice decides she doesn't want to be at odds with the Serpents any more - in fact, she wants to embrace that side of her life again... if you know what I mean.

She heads to school to make peace with Jughead's Angry Dead Poets Society in a cute, pastel snake print blouse (subtle as ever, sis) and then she throws on a push up bra (!!), applies some lipstick in the shade 'It's Time To Bang, Forsythe', jushes her hair, unbuttons her shirt and drives on over to FP's trailer to launch a full scale investigation into just how sexually frustrated (her words, not mine) he really is after spending a couple of months in the slammer.

But, here's the gag of the season: after making the fandom wait months and months for their ship to set sail, promising tea and breadcrumbs and all sorts of serpent shenanigans... there was nothing. Not even a smooch. Just a closed door and some discarded chewing gum.

Riverdale, babes, you made us watch Archie and Veronica in the shower and Betty and Jughead's BDSM weekend but you couldn't spare us ONE KISS BETWEEN THE ADULTS?! A robbery has occurred and people are pressed.

Apparently, according to Skeet Ulrich, there was a scene where Alice talks about their past and "how her future could change if she was with him" - but it got cut. This is truly the biggest injustice in Riverdale since the lack of screen time and dialogue for Miss Melody Valentine.

Let's face it, we're not done with Falice, not by a long shot so maybe they're just saving it for the finale? Good things come to those who wait, right?

Oh, and one last thing. Skeet, turn on your location. I just wanna ~talk~ about you throwing that gum... I feel VERY attacked.