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11 April 2018, 16:40 | Updated: 12 April 2018, 17:21
We have compiled this year’s most ridiculous festival fashions for an early head’s up on what not to buy. You're welcome.
For a while, it seemed to all be going well - a fedora here, a sequinned jacket there - festival style was for the understated and cool, for the boho Vanessa Hudgens of the world.
However, in recent years, festival fashion has blown up and shape shifted into something that is hardly recognisable.
Now, literally anything goes, from a denim thong to bras made of chain mail which could not be less practical for a marathon event that takes place in, lets be honest, a pool of mud.
We have taken the great honour of finding the trends of 2018 that you should perhaps just steer clear from in order to avoid friction rash/scratches/mud sinking or those pictures you're going to regret in a year's time.
It would be rude not to start here.
Really, when you think about it, what’s not to love here when you’re camping for three days without access to a shower?
Comfort? - check. Warmth? - double check. Hygiene? - absolutely. The denim thong is this year’s festival lover’s essential item and you’re going to look a prize fool if you don’t nab yourself one.
Don't get too excited though, because Pretty Little Thing have actually already sold out of them... look out for the dedicated Instagram page of people spotted in these.
We're not talking just a little bit of fringe guys, no, that would be lazy, you need METRES of the stuff to be serving any type of lewk in 2018.
Guy? Wear fringe. Gal? Wear fringe. Fringe on your arms, fringe on your legs, rainbow fringe, all the fringe.
Just make sure it doesn’t dangle into the mud, which there is never any of at these darned field parties.
It's the era of the throwback, so TBH we’re actually surprised its taken this long for the medieval form of armour to come back in, because who doesn’t <3 dragging round extra dead weight with them all day and night?
One way people have got round this nuisance is to wear teeny, tiny amounts of chain mail as a bra, and hey, problem solved.
This one looks a little bit like you’re headed down a one-way street to Trench foot.
Whenever you head to a summer festival there are always those people that just didn’t seem to get the memo and rock up in, well, not wellies. Look, we’re not saying you would, simply reinforcing that you shouldn’t.
This may be the most ridiculous shoe on offer yet (in CREAM can we just point out) categorised under Topshop’s festival section, the fiesta sandal is constructed entirely of rope and if you can’t see why this isn’t a good idea, try it out and let us know how it goes.
Whilst it may be quite a clever way to waterproof yourself, we simply cannot condone wrapping yourself into a sheet of cling film during your festival. Whatever happened to buying a rain poncho to keep the wet out?
We're pretty sure the people who designed these clothes have literally never stepped foot into a festival before, or they would know what likely awaits them is a vey damp, muddy experience and a lot of people taking pictures of their exposed body parts.
But if these new trends are anything to go by, it's going to be a crazy season. We say bring on summer 2K18.
Why not watch Love Island's Olivia Atwood get wrestled out of a bar whilst you're here?