Riverdale gave Edgar Evernever a ROCKET and I am absolutely losing it (RECAP)

24 October 2019, 19:43

By Katie Louise Smith

"and this night on riverdale, the owner of an organ harvesting cult is going to run away in a rocket!"

In this week's episode of Riverdale, teenage Betty Cooper managed to defuse a bomb as a room full of grown up FBI agents watched on but astonishingly enough, that wasn't the wildest thing that happened. No, friends, Riverdale has officially out Riverdale'd itself.

Now, I've let many completely bonkers storylines and plot holes slide during my years of watching and writing about this show but I think I may have finally reached the edge.

READ MORE: Riverdale season 4: News, spoilers, episode details and everything we know so far

Amongst the teenage bomb disposal experts, shirtless car washes and rat-infested corpses of dead twin brothers, episode 3 ('Dog Day Afternoon') saw Edgar Evernever fall at the freshly manicured (despite being in cult captivity!) hands of icon, legend, badass and undercover Queen, Alice Smith.

But not before it was revealed that he had set up an exit plan that involved Evelyn driving an entire bus full of people off a cliff, with Alice and Betty strapped to the front (!!) while he, the organ-harvesting cult leader, escaped...IN A ROCKET.

WHAT - and I cannot stress this enough - the everloving f*ck?

Edgar's big mass murder/suicide plan was inspired by several real-life cult situations. The entire Farm plot line has borrowed bits here and there from infamous cults throughout history and they've done it well. This whole rocket/spaceship thing? It's is all very Heaven's Gate. And also, on a completely non-culty note, clearly inspired by Evel Knievel.

But that doesn't mean I don't have SEVERAL questions about what just bloody happened:

1) First of all, why?

2) Where did this man think he was going to go in said rocket?

3) Did this man think he was gonna actually get to SPACE?!

4) IN THAT? IT DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY WINDOWS?!

5) Do you think that rocket would even make it off the top of the roof?

6) Are we sure he built it with his bare hands and that he didn't actually just steal it from the kids play area of a shopping mall?

7) Does he even know how to fly a rocket? Has he been a rocket scientist this whole time?! Or is this the most literal case of 'Jesus take the wheel' we've ever seen?

8) Where did he get the rocket fuel? (Is rocket fuel a thing? Also, that's a silly question. Of course, someone in Riverdale or the surrounding towns would have access to something that could make a freaking rocket fly...)

9) Was he *genuinely* hoping that a gust of wind would send him on his merry way to enlightenment?

10) Are we ever gonna find out how far that rocket can actually go?

11) How could he afford a personalised jumpsuit and cute lil' rocket, but couldn't hook sister-wife Evelyn up the murder bus she wanted?

12) Why am I trying to make any logical sense of this already completely ludicrous storyline?

Is this absolutely incredible turn of events even more iconic than the random professional assassin sword fight between Gladys and Penny in season 3? Lol, no. Nothing could top that. But it is absolutely 100% one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen on this show and I, along with most of the internet, am officially about to lose my mind.

Anyway, The Farm is over now. The Gargoyle King is gone. The Black Hood is dead. Our kidneys and loved ones are safe. FOR NOW.