Adam's Tragic Archive - Day 1 to Day 10

Day 10

Whilst driving home, Hall of Fame by the Script and Will.I.Am came on the radio.

I’ve decided they would be terrible school career advisors. According to them there are only 9 options for employment.

It made me slightly angry and here’s why one by one…

Students – after 3 years of University you will still have to go back to Will.I.Am and The Script for advice. Mind you in 3 years they might have got better at it.

Teachers – You can never have too many teachers, but it’s not for everyone. I have no patience so it’s not for me. Try again Will.

Politicians – Not really a job you can just walk into. Takes a lot of time and money.

Preachers – Quite a niche job. Not for me. I would be terrible at it. They obviously haven’t looked at my Record of Achievement.

Believers – Not a job.

Leaders  - You can’t become a leader without any experience. You don’t see many adverts for entry-level leaders.

Astronauts  - Yeah, loads of kids from my school are now astronauts

Champions – Not a job.

Truth seekers – Not a job.

If I was at school selecting my options with a view to a career, I would avoid their advice, and try the local leisure centre for work experience where you can swim and play badminton all day.

I have far too much time on my hands.

Day 9

Was in the Portsmouth News for a talk the show did at Fareham College. Kind of.

They managed to get Gillies and Emily’s names right each time they mentioned them, but they decided my name was Andy. Oh, get the stars names right, but not the hard working, underpaid staff. It’s like a radio version of Downton Abbey.

On the way home I had a full and frank exchange of views with a cyclist who decided to ignore a red light and nearly hit him with my car.

When I was driving away, I realised some of the things I suggested weren’t anatomically possible.

I wouldn’t normally get involved but I think I was still annoyed about the Andy thing, and hey, it was nice to talk to someone.

The Paradise Falls fund remained the same yesterday. £12 sitting nicely in a secret location in my kitchen on the worktop in a sweet jar. No one will guess where it is.

Day 8

Trying to be better in 2013 and today was my 23rd day without a drink.

I do feel better for it. I’ve also found I’m having less arguments with myself about things that happened ages ago.

I’m also remembering a lot more things from 4 years ago better. Not sure that’s a good thing.  Some things are worth forgetting.

Did some washing today. I somehow managed to lose a sock in the 3 feet between the clothes bin, the washing machine and the radiator.

It gave me a business idea. Single socks. You can go in to a shop and buy the sock that makes your pair complete. It’s the idea that will rejuvenate the high street. The next time I’m on Dragons Den I’m pitching it.

Day 7

Was tired all day today.  That was because I got really concerned when I went to bed, that I couldn’t remember if I like to go to sleep on my front or my back.

I was thinking that if it was on my back it felt like I was in a coffin. If it was my front, there was definite mashing going on. I’m still not sure what the answer is.

It was nearly as bad a nights sleep as when I convinced myself I was going to win the lottery and wasted perfectly good sleeping time with spending the money in my head. Nothing spectacular. A few cars, holidays, early retirement without telling anyone. The usual. I didn’t win. I’m not lucky.

Went for a walk across the common. It was harrowing. It was like an all snowman production of Saving Private Ryan had taken place. Bit of snowman here, a rogue carrot there. It’s the families I feel sorry for.


Day 6

I’d like to say the snow ruined my plans for the weekend but it didn’t.

I saw the Neighbours kids taking the snow off my car to make a snowman. It was my snow. I wanted to make my car look like Lightning McQueen from Cars. They ruined that.

Maybe my neighbours have worked out that it’s me putting all the Takeaway leaflets I get through my letterbox, into theirs.

Now I’m definitely not going to stop doing that.

Ate my cereal out of a big mug. Who says I don’t like to try new things?

I’ve started a ‘Paradise Falls’ fund like in the film Up! I’m putting all the gold coins I have at the end of each day into a pot, so that at some point I’m going to have loads of free cash to spend on a holiday or something.

I’ll probably just put it back into the bank though. I’ll check the interest rates tomorrow.

I am going to the cashpoint more though.

Day 5

Found a Dalmatian Onesie chucked in a hedge near where I park my car. I was glad someone came to their senses and got rid of it, but why throw it in a hedge?

I don't really get what Onesies are? Are they bedtime wear? Are they fancy dress? Or are they just what people wear because they think it makes them look hipster cool and a part of the fashion elite?

I think they’re the fashion equivalent of Instagram. You have perfectly good clothes. You have a perfectly good picture. Why then ruin it by trying to be all trendy. Morons. I blame Rihanna… and Disney...

I just left it in the hedge. 

I’m writing this in a hotel room because work are worried the snow will be too bad to get in.

I don’t like staying in hotels very much. I like having my own kettle and biscuits dangerously close to the bed.

The snow won’t be bad.

No one listens to me.

Day 4

Can’t remember the last time I cooked burgers at home, so with all the advertising they got yesterday, I was tempted to buy some for tea.

I didn’t though as they just stink the flat out and make you smell of burgers for weeks. People should be more upset by that than the horse content.

I would have bought some fairly decent ones as I only buy the value range when I go to Barbecues so I can drop them on the pile and then crack into some of the expensive stuff my friends have brought.

Got my haircut. My hair only ever looks all right 2 weeks after it’s been done and then for about the hour before I’m about to get it cut again, so I always doubt why I’m actually having it cut. It’s weird.

It was nice to talk to someone. I was able to offer mortgage and relationship advice, when I have neither. I felt it was good prep for when I’m a spy going deep undercover.

Why do they show you the back of your head at the end? It’s like when a mechanic tells you what they’ve done. I never know what to say, so just say ‘alright’. The hairdresser could take a big chunk out of the back of my head and draw blood and I would still say, ‘alright’.

At least people might notice me though.

Day 3

Went to the gym on the way home. I feel I should go to the gym so I don’t really enjoy it. It’s a bit like work.

I may have made a huge mistake when I was changing. I’d got to my socks when I realized I’d worn the Fozzie Bear ones that I was given for Christmas. The bigger boys changing either side of me definitely noticed. I’ll have to hide from them now.

Had to hide the box for the box set I bought at HMV. I couldn’t look at it, as I was annoyed that they went into administration the day after I bought it. Not as annoyed as the staff that work there though.

Tried to put myself in their shoes, how it must feel to have to find a new job. Was quite excited by that prospect.

Put the iPod into the dock to see if it had dried out properly from when I dropped it in the puddle. Luckily it worked. I think I would have preferred it if it had broken.

I’m going to have to live with the thought that every time I go to turn it on it won’t work because of the soaking. Oh well, something to look forward to I suppose.

Day 2

When the rain stopped I walked down to the shops as I feel I may have missed the sales.  I was a bit annoyed it had stopped raining, as I like to think I’m in a film when I walk in the rain.

Why do couples always have to prove they’re couples? Is there some kind of law that says they have to hold each other really tightly when walking along the street? I must have passed 4 couples that could easily have been confused for 2-headed monsters. That isn’t a reflection on their looks, but a couple of them, blimey.

Was even more irritated to see the T-shirt I bought at the Olympics, in the sales at less than half the price I’d paid for it.  If the legacy Seb Coe was aiming for was to be annoyed, then he had hit the nail on the head.  

Bought a box set of a thing that was supposed to be really good. It should take me a while to watch it all, so that’ll fill a bit of staring out the window time.

It was dark when I was walking home and I had my iPod on. During a particularly good shuffle I realised I was walking through quite a deep puddle, so tried to skip out of it. As I did my iPod fell out of my pocket and into the near- lake I was wading though.

I grabbed it out as quickly as I could, making my glove wet in the process, but it didn’t work. I’ve left it to dry out. Waiting to see if the iPod works is the most exciting thing that’s happened in a while.

The glove has already dried.


Day 1

It was really dark when I woke up on Saturday at about 10. I turned the lamp on in the living room and the bulb blew. So I just sat in the dark.

I prefer sitting in the dark, as the people you’re staring at out the window can’t see you very well.

I eventually wandered to the shop and bought a new bulb. It was nice to be out of the flat for a while to get some fresh air. I was out for 10 minutes.

I tidied up the man drawer in the kitchen. I threw out the 5 Christmas cards I got last year and a couple of plugs for things I have no idea what they were for. I’m probably going to regret that.  I kept the old Sky remote though. You just never know when having two controls could come in handy.

I went to see Les Miserables at the cinema. It was very good and I didn’t cry at all. The bloke sat next to me obviously didn’t want to be there. He was checking his watch from about 10 minutes in. I assume he must have been in trouble with the missus. She seemed to like it though. She cried. It was probably his fault.

Russell Crowe’s singing reminded me of when Will.I.Am sings. It just didn’t seem quite right.

I’m not sure what ‘the misreables’ had to moan about. They were all having a good sing with their mates, a bit like being on a stag do.  I thought they were lucky to have someone to speak/sing to. The only person I spoke to all weekend was an instructor at the gym on Friday who thought I was someone else.

I hope the week is better. It probably won’t be.