Roxanne Pallett Reveals She Wrote A Suicide Note After Backlash From Ryan Thomas CBB ‘Punchgate’

4 February 2019, 13:00

Roxanne Pallett sent family and two friends a 'goodbye' note.
Roxanne Pallett sent family and two friends a 'goodbye' note. Picture: Getty

Roxanne Pallett confesses she started to lose her hair and contemplated suicide after Celebrity Big Brother ‘punchgate’.

In a new interview, Roxanne Pallett reveals she contemplated suicide after struggling with the huge backlash from the public after Celebrity Big Brother ‘punchgate’.

CBB viewers were left shocked after Roxanne accused Ryan Thomas of “punching her”. The pair appeared to be play fighting when the former Emmerdale actress accused the actor of “repeatedly, deliberately” punching her.

However, following her dramatic display, footage was released debunking all her claims.

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The actress told a tabloid that she’s “lost everything”.

“Yes I’ve lost everything, and I lost myself,” Roxanne confessed. “I’ve lost my career, my radio jobs, my life as I knew it, everything. I’ve only got my mum, my auntie and two friends now who I trust implicitly.”

After exiting the house, Roxanne told show host Emma Willis that she’d made “a horrible mistake” after branding Ryan a “woman beater”.

Though critics aren’t so forgiving, Roxanne just wants to move forward.

“I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me, because it’s my fault, 100%. I take full responsibility. But like everyone who makes a mistake I just want to be allowed to learn from it and move forward because nobody can punish me more than me.”

The ex-contestant explains she penned Ryan a letter but he’s yet to reply and she doesn’t expect him to.

“I believe he’s got it, but I didn’t expect him to reply and I’d never expect that of him, I can’t ask anything of him or his family or friends.” she says.

The following months sent Roxanne into deep isolation and depression causing her to change homes, phone number, and email address. Admitting she was “scared to leave the house” after being called “evil and toxic” as well as being spat at.

The actress revealed she stressed so much her hair started to fall out and “was put on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds immediately”.

After losing a noticeable amount of weight, her mum begged her to seek medical help after sending a ‘goodbye’ note.

“I sent a message to my mum, my auntie and my two friends. I was saying sorry and goodbye. They all panicked, called each other and my mum left work to rush and get to me. That was when they all realised I needed urgent help. I went to Scotland the next morning and began EMDR and CBT therapy for PTSD panic disorder.”

Through therapy Roxanne has now realised her PTSD was caused by a previous abusive relationship, becoming homeless and losing her friend to suicide in 2009.

Apologising, she added: "I’m so sorry I didn’t sort out these issues sooner, because now they’ve had an impact on someone else. And I will regret and relive that mistake for the rest of my life.

The tabloid noted she was not paid for the interview but asked the paper to make a donation to the mental health charity Back Onside.

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