Dan and Phil reveal 'violating' moment their private relationship was almost jeopardised

15 October 2025, 17:07 | Updated: 15 October 2025, 18:52

Dan and Phil open up about the moment their private relationship was almost ruined by a YouTube glitch. Picture: YouTube

By Katie Louise Smith

For the first time, Dan and Phil have discussed the truth behind the private Valentine's Day video that was mistakenly published back in 2011.

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In case you haven't heard... Phan is real! Yes, the iconic British YouTubers Daniel Howell and Phil Lester took to YouTube earlier this week (Oct 13) to share that they're in a long term relationship, and have been since 2009.

In a video titled, 'Are Dan and Phil in a Relationship? The Truth', the pair opened up about why they decided to keep their romance out of the public eye for so long and why they've decided to talk about it now.

They also revealed the one specific moment that sadly almost jeopardised their hard-fought privacy.

If you've been in the Dan and Phil fandom for a while, then you may remember the 'Valentine's Day video' incident... Dan and Phil opened up about the whole thing in the video, how it really made them feel and how it almost became a "breaking point" for them.

Dan and Phil share how the 'Valentine's Day video' incident almost jeopardised the privacy of their relationship. Picture: YouTube

In the video, Dan explains the reasons why they didn't share their relationship with their followers. Part of it was because neither Dan nor Phil had come out publicly yet. (They both came out in separate videos in 2019 but did not reveal the current status of their relationship.)

Discussing the deep anxiety surrounding discussion of his sexuality, Dan opened up about how traumatic all that speculation was for him.

"In my mid-twenties, I felt like we had to hide the relationship because I was still hiding who I was to my friends, family, myself," he said, going on to thank Phil for being so patient with him for so many years.

He added: "And this is why all of the digging from people online hit a nerve because Phil was my safe space – you were my first boyfriend."

Elaborating further on the invasive attempts from viewers continually attempting to out the pair, he continued: "What we had was the most important thing to me and I wanted to protect it so when other people tried to grab it and drag it into the light, I felt completely violated."

Things took an even more difficult turn when a Valentine's Day video that Phil made for Dan accidentally got published on YouTube to the public.

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A post shared by Daniel Howell (@danielhowell)

"I had made a lovely Valentine’s video for Dan, a very private video," Phil explained. "Obviously that was so personal, and nothing I would ever want anyone to see."

But due to a glitch on YouTube, the video (that was in Phil's drafts on his YouTube channel) ended up being published to a handful of his followers. Of course, people ripped it, reposted it and spread it around the internet.

"That felt like a violation because that was something so personal and nice that I'd made, and then everyone was pulling it apart, looking at it, talking about it," he continued. "I even had people trying to blackmail me in the DMs saying, 'I'm gonna release it!' That was almost a relationship breaking point for us.”

Dan added: "It felt like an assault. People took something from us, got it dirty, left it on the floor and then I was like, this is soiled now."

Dan also shared that the whole conspiracy about them dating sometimes made him feel differently about Phil when he looked at him: "I felt the gaze of these people in my head and that is poisonous."

The duo went on to thank the fans who policed, called out and tried to stop the spread of invasive posts speculating about their relationship.

Throughout their careers, fans have "shipped" Dan and Phil online – and at some points it got incredibly invasive. Picture: via Twitter

In 2018, Dan and Phil took a hiatus and Dan even thought about distancing himself from Phil professionally in the hopes that it would quell the constant "apocalyptic" stress of the Phan conspiracy and people digging into their relationship.

He even thought he'd be happier "without all of this". But Phil was able to remind him that it was only a small minority of people, and they weren't bad people either... they were just young people who had no idea what was truly going on underneath it all.

"Forgiveness and growth is such an important part of life and in the same way, we all want the people in our lives to give us patience and grace and the benefit of the doubt if we ever make a mistake," Dan said.

"I have to extend that to the world in regards to this story, so I understand and I forgive. I want to make peace about it."