Little Mix’s Jade Thirlwall Shares ‘Lockdown Word Vomit’ Poem She Penned For Mental Health Charity & Says She’s ’Plagued With Anxiety’ Over Pandemic
19 May 2020, 10:50 | Updated: 19 May 2020, 11:23
Little Mix’s Jade Thirlwall said she’s ‘plagued with anxiety’ but ‘learning its family and friends who genuinely make her smile’ in lockdown.
The ‘LM5’ singer took to Instagram to announce she has teamed up with The World From My Window and said sharing such honest words left her feeling ‘like I’ve sent a nude to the whole world’.
She captioned the post: “We only went and crashed the bloody site but it’s back up again! It feels like I’ve sent a nude to the whole world sharing this 😂 but it’s been good for me to open up and honestly write down how I’m feeling. Here’s my story ‘Lockdown Word Vomit’ 🌌 @the.world.from.my.window for #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek 💙 give them a follow and go to the website to share your story too.”
In the post, Jade admits she’s ‘drank 18 bottles of wine’ while isolating away from the world and has turned to CBD oil and lavender to ‘sooth her frantic mind’.
The full post reads:
I like lying in my empty bath. Letting the water drain out like a music video.
I had been a while since I’d proper cried.
Watching the world stop from my window in my flat way up high.
I took freedom for granted.
I’ve drank 18 bottles of wine.
I lay awake overthinking, plagued with anxiety through the night.
I read books. Hug crystals. CBD oil and hot baths and place lavender on every pillow hoping to sooth my frantic mind.
Virtual hugs, Zoom dates and sex dreams.
Feeling guilty for being glad for the change in routine.
House parties and quizzes and cooking classes and Skype.
I feel so 2020 when I wanna feel more ’99.
Learning it’s my family and friends who make me genuinely smile.
‘When all this is over’ and ‘stay safe’ becoming the new ’speak soon’ and ‘see ya later’s’.
I walk to the shops and freak when I touch the handles of escalators.
Social influencers compete for who’s doing lockdown best while nurses and carers use masks as bulletproof vests.
There’s a new joy on my Mam and Dad’s face each time I check if they’re alright.
I feel bad knowing before I made excuses for not giving them my time.
I can be a better daughter.
Binge watching Money Heist. I learn being lazy and doing fuck all really isn’t a crime.
Reading more and playing music. Feeling more inspired to write.
My soul can really flourish when my creativity shines.
Fishing through old photos of Granda Mohamed and I should wear my heritage, my race and my roots with more pride.
Race hate crimes. More transphobia.
Through our leaders, white privilege still takes the limelight.
Wouldn’t we have learnt more ever what it means to be kind?
I wish I could do more than use my platform to do right.
Does anyone like me for who I am or WHO I am? Am I enough?
F**k it. Yeah, I think I am.
Like everyone I guess I’m just doing the best that I can.
Wish my Nanna was around to see how close the family is today.
There’s a new found warmth from the phone when I hear the kids say Auntie Jade.
But a new-found anxiety praying my Mam will be okay.
We’d have laughed if you’d told us shopping for eggs would be unsafe.
Businesses lose and Asda queues and constant negativity on the news.
I wonder how many wish they’d chose the many and not the few.
Staying in becomes the new fruits of our labour.
Learning what it really means to be a good neighbour.
And for every rainbow sign I feel a little hope for the next generation.
Here’s hoping kids will learn from this how to be a better future nation.
There’s a silent solidarity that we’ll all be on the mend.
I’ve learnt I need to be a better friend.
Wonder how we’ll cope when this all comes to an end.
What will normal life be then?
I’m looking forward to being free but still unfree again.
We so feel you, Jade! Thank you for being so honest and open at such a strange time. We’re sending you lots of love.