The train's a pain

I agree with Boris's ban on booze on the tubes. It's not the drunken behaviour that annoys me though, it's more having to climb over discarded beer cans to sit down.

But I think our new Mayor might have missed a trick - there are loads of other rules I reckon would make our journeys underground a whole lot less stressful.

1. Ban trolley suitcases from all platform areas. They're a liability. Actually it's the people who've got them who are a liability. They seem to forget that they've got this huge extra appendage sticking out behind them, with the turning circle of an HGV. The number of times I've had one rolled over my foot by someone ducking infront of me on a crowded platform, forgetting what's dragging behind them... Get rid that's what I say.

2. Dispersal orders for groups congregating around tube signs. You know that bit where you've gone down the escalators, and down the corridor and then the final few steps down the stairs to the platform? Where the posters tell you which direction you need for which platform - left for Piccadilly Line eastbound, right for Piccadilly Line westbound. Why do people ALWAYS insist on waiting til they get there before working out which way they want to go? Don't block the ONLY route onto the platform by gathering round the sign pointing at it. No more than 3 people at any one time should be allowed to stand in front of the posters. The rest should be moved away. Maybe sent back to the beginning and made to start again.

3. Compulsory removal of Oyster cards from handbags. I hate it when you get to the tube barriers and the person in front of you is too lazy to get their Oyster card out of their bag. They just sort of wave the whole bag over the card reader several times until it finally gets recognised, like a check-out assistant trying to scan a particularly difficult grocery item. Take it out of the bag! How hard can it be? Don't hold me up just because you can't be bothered to carry the card in your hand like everyone else.

4. Fines for people who get on trains before everyone's got off. You know what I mean...The doors are opening, you're trying to squeeze past everyone in your carriage anyway to get to the exit, and before you've even got a foot out of the door, people are pushing past you trying to squeeze in. And equally, those people who are blocking the doors in a really crowded carriage, should get off the train, let you off, then get back on again. Not force you to shove past them to get out.

5. Electric shocks for people who stand on the wrong side of the escalator. Simple.

If you've got any other rules you reckon should be on the list email me at newsdesk@capitalradio.com and if I like them, I'll add them on.