My Way Calvin Harris
If you're anything like us, you've sighed and grunted all the way from the tube to work; or whinged while you sipped your drink in a London pub. And it's all because of these 11 reasons.
No matter how jolly you are; whether you're the sort of person to skip down the road in sunshine - one Londoner will have ticked you off in the past. And it's not because they're a horrific person; they've just done one (or maybe eight) of the things that no true resident of the UK town should ever, EVER do...
Especially to take SELFIES! Just typing that annoys us. We're all for having a nice leisurely pace through the capital of England, checking out the gorgeous sights. But the issue is it it's TOO beautiful. If you're stopping off at every orange tree; every artistic sculpture and every red bloomin' bus that passes, in order to pout in front of it, we'll never get past you. And don't get us started on filters.
We've all ducked in for a quick snack before heading out with the lads. But when London is home to some of the finest restaurants in the world, you shouldn't be having nuggets every day of the week. Whether it's an outdoor pulled pork burger bar, or a quirky pop-up diner, make sure you check it out. And you get bonus points for when you check in on Facebook and look immediately eight times cooler.
Life isn't a playground game of 'Bulldog'. The objective of it isn't to stop of from getting past you. So why would you even contemplate all linking arms and taking up the entirety of the pavement, so we have to sort of hobble on-and-off the curb while sticking our foot in that gunky, rain residue in the drains?
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Yes, there is a reckless way to use a brolly. If it's raining, you're entitled to use it. 'Nuff said. But there should be some sort of driver's license issued to all those who own one. If you see an on-comer, it's well-known that it's your duty to raise your umbrella, thus preventing both of us from getting wet. We don't want to be diving down Liverpool Street, dodging the wire brolly frames, trying to avoid skewered eyes, like a dodgy game of 'Takeshi's Castle'!
If you say you've seen a more chaotic, hectic time than rush-hour at the tube station, you're lying. The gates are slamming open and shut; people are shuffling into the back of you; there are bleeps firing all over the shop, like a discount 'Star Wars'. So the least you could do is be prepared... Or so you'd think. All it takes is for one person to fumble with their wallet as they try to get their contactless card out, for the entire station to go into apocalyptic meltdown.
We each deserve one seat on the tube. We've all had busy days, right? So why is it that one bloke gets a seat; and his knees get two more? Regardless of how much you want to show off, lads, there's no excuse for taking up an entire row on the train. If we see it happen, we will have to be forced to sit on your knee. And then it's just awkward for everybody. (Don't even get us started on people who don't shuffle into the centre of the tube!)
There's a whole generation of people who didn't even know that you can pay with change on the bus. How long has this been a thing?! Does it seem right that we have to add an extra 25 minutes onto our journey, because the person hopping onto the bus is the ONE person in the whole of London who doesn't own an Oyster card?
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