Perfect Ed Sheeran
Sacked by US, dumped by Derek, back with Ashley, back on US X Factor? What the hell's going on with Cheryl Cole?
By the time you've finished reading this, who knows what else might have happened in the bizarre life of our Chezza.
Last week she was dropped by US X Factor after an embarrassing four days on the job; this week she's apparently been invited back on the show.
Adding insult to injury she's been dumped by dancing boyfriend Derek Hough, who apparently flipped after newspaper reports that Chezza was contemplating getting back with ratbag ex-husband Ashley Cole.
He is also said to have had enough of Cheryl's "unhealthy" love of spending days on end holed up in hotels - possibly the only man in the universe who'd object to shacking up with the Geordie in a room with a bed.
While Cheryl is considering a return to the USA, some publications are saying the whole sacking has been a publicity stunt. And in the meantime Cheryl is supposedly in talks with the BBC to front a new talent show.
Anyone else's head spinning?